Everyone wants a good education, but so much of how well we learn depends on the teachers. What they have to say, how they say it, etc. etc. If I had my way (and could resurrect the dead, in certain cases) I would assemble a fantasy lineup of the best of the best to run the school that I would attend. I’m pretty sure I’d learn everything I could possibly hope to know in any lifetime. Here’s my lineup of classes and teachers:
MYTHOLOGY WITH J.R.R. TOLKIEN
Everyone thinks that Tolkien wrote fantasy, but they’re only half right. While Tolkien’s classics “The Lord of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” have become the cornerstones for what we now consider to be the modern fantasy genre, Tolkien’s real intent was to create a mythology. If you don’t believe me, read his work “The Simarillion”. Middle Earth was not just a fantasy world, it was OUR world in previous times. He created a religion, races, a history… all things that make up a mythology.
With that being said, who better to teach mythologies, how to read them, and maybe even how to write them than the man who mastered them himself? There’s many classes that Tolkien could teach, but I think this one would be the most unique and most awesome.
CREATIVE WRITING WITH NEIL GAIMAN
This is a no brainer. Neil Gaiman is a modern writer with a timeless style. He can -and HAS- written children’s literature, adult novels, graphic novels, short stories, television scripts, computer games… the list goes on for ever and ever. He’s won awards and is on probably every best seller list. The commencement speech he gave entitled “Good Art” was so amazing that it was made into a book itself, and it touched the hearts of many young creative people (including yours truly).
I would love to take a writing course with the talented Mr. Gaiman because of how much success he has had in not just one or two genres but in almost every single way that writing can be applied in the working world. I could also go on about how he’s a brilliant writer and his style is something amazing to study and learn off of, but who am I kidding, you probably already know that.
ART WITH TIM BURTON
You’re probably surprised that I didn’t choose him for something related with film, but there’s more to this man than just his movies (although those are brilliant). He’s released a fantastic art book that showcases some of his best work and has also had his work exhibited. His unique style has sparked an entire new look, coined as “Burtonesque”.
I think Burton would be the best choice for an art teacher because no one would know more about finding your own sense of style and developing it than he would.
PHYS ED WITH LUCY LAWLESS
I hate anything even remotely related to phys ed. More than anything. Ever.
BUT… can you imagine seeing THIS lady as your teacher? Just the sight of her and how good she looks would inspire me to get off my butt and move. Not to mention some of the awesome moves she could teach from her screen work… sword wielding, chakram throwing, staff flinging… instead of just climbing the ropes her students would all be swinging across the gym on them.
ACTING WITH ELIJAH WOOD
Pros: He’s been acting just about as long as he’s been alive. His work is always met with great reactions, particularly his role as Frodo Baggins in the Lord of the Rings. He has had experience with everything, from television to big name blockbusters to indie films. The genres he has mastered include drama, action, and even horror.
Cons: He’s so good looking I’d spend the whole class period dreaming. But I guess some sacrifices must be made on the road to good education…
SPEECH WITH TARA STRONG
Harley Quinn. Twilight Sparkle. Batgirl. Raven. Timmy Turner. Bubbles. Ben Tennyson. Tons more that I can’t even name. All of these characters owe their voices to the intensely talented Tara. She can spout out a new voice on command, and each one is completely believable.
Although she couldn’t exactly impart her talent to each of her students, she could at least help explain the better ways to use speech and how to properly make yourself heard, and make it damn interesting. After all, she’s had more than enough practice at it.
HOME ECONOMICS WITH FRAN DRESCHER
She is most well known for her voice. The second best thing that she’s known for is the six seasons that she spent on TV in the nineties playing Fran Fine, a nanny from Queens who has to figure out how to hold her own in her position caring for a posh British family.
She spent six seasons pretending to be a caretaker. Who better to teach us all how to do the same exact thing? Because let’s be honest, you’ll never really master this subject.
BAND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT
She writes and plays her own music. Her headlining tours become sold out within minutes. You wanna learn how to play music and have fun? This is your girl. Just listen to any one of her songs on the radio and try not to bob your head along. Not to mention her tours are always awesome because each of her shows has a unique theme. Instead of the marching band, how about a Cirque du Soleil themed performance twirling out onto the field at halftime under Taylor’s lead? Yes, please.
ENGLISH WITH J.K. ROWLING
Fame just isn’t enough for this woman. She’s so devoted to writing that she actually released a book under a pen name just so that people would read it for the writing itself and not merely because her name is attached to it. How’s that for cool? She has impeccable form when it comes to writing, and each sentence that she records has the absolute maximum amount of power that could possibly be packed into it. Who better to teach us how to put together our sentences and use grammar to the absolute awesomest on the page?
There must be one overlord to each school, of course. One Princess Celestia who will make sure that everything runs smoothly, that the teachers remain epic, and that the students turn into awesome cool people. My choice for Overlord Awesome?
RENEE O’CONNOR- SCHOOL PRINCIPAL
Oh come on, you know you agree with me. She’s epic! Not even counting the awesomeness she was as Gabrielle on Xena Warrior Princess, just look at any interview with her and you’ll see that she’s funny, witty, and down to earth all at once. Not to mention she is an actress, director, writer, and the founder of her own production company. You want a gal who has tried bits of everything and is cool to boot? Renee’s the one.
Now if I were to plan out a school system based on CHARACTERS as teachers verses celebrities, that would be a different story…