Published March 7, 2012 by HomburgerNaeNae

So while we’re here in Florida, it seems that everyone in my family is devoted to getting a tan. They spend hours lying out in the sun at the beach, as do many other people we see there. I’ve personally never understood why. Maybe it’s just because I like being pale even though my brothers often tell me I look “dead”.

Today though, I was sabatoged. My family insisted on going to the beach again, and although I put on sun block, I got burned. Like, really burned.

Because the thing is, I don’t tan. I just turn really red. It’s super annoying, and now I must deal with it for who knows how long. I look like demonic Raven now.

Yeah. Like that, only minus the coolness.

Not to mention, I was wearing sunglasses, so there is a ring of paleness all around my eyes. Like a reverse version of Barbara Gordon’s secret identity crisis after dealing with Killer Moth and Firefly:


Point is, I don’t get why ANYone would do this for pleasure. My skin is constantly burning and I look like neopolitan ice cream- patches of red against my white skin, with brown hair to top it all off. This sucks! Why do people spend hours in the sun, baking themselves from snap-crackle-pop red to well done tan?

You know what tanning makes me think of? If someone dies in a swamp, the tanning solutions in the swampy waters turn them into a total tan and preserve the body, turning it into a bog body. Talk about the perfect tan…. for the rest of your undead life. The bones in bog bodies are eaten away by the acid, but who cares as long as you have that wonderful golden brown hue!

Someone please explain to me the attraction of this, because I seriously don’t get it. I don’t like looking like neopolitan ice cream with a sprinkling of demonic Raven and a reverse Babs Gordon tan on top.

God save the sun bathers.

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