This isn’t a post so much as a rant. More and more these days, I realize that I am wanting to move out. Most people might think, given that I’m 21 and still living with my parents and siblings, I should already BE moved out. But certain things that life threw my way made me a little bit behind schedule. Now I have at least 1 1/2- 2 more years of college to look forward to, so I’m even MORE behind schedule. Not to mention, that pesky job still manages to elude me.
But once I do get those things in order, I think I need to start looking further out on the horizons. I’m not going to say that my family and I have reached a crossroads, or I’m simply not understood here, or any sort of blah blah like that. I love my family. If I ever move out, I’ll miss them a ton. But that in itself will probably be a good thing.
Lately, it seems that I am more of a nanny to my siblings than a sister. When I am not at school I am 99% of the time here at home. I’m like a live in babysitter. Not so much that my mom always makes me babysit (she watches the kids herself most of the time) but more so the fact that I am. Always. Here. Just in case.
For once, I’d like to be able to tell my mom, “Hey! Send the kids over to MY place!” And hopefully they’d want to come because my place will be a monument to awesomeness.
Then there’s the whole thing of when you’ve moved out, people seem to accept that your life is in order and you’re not desperately waiting for them to come in and give you a 101 course on what you need to be happy. In my case, it’s marriage and kids. Actually, if you’re thinking parents right now, you’re wrong. My parents aren’t bugging me to go after anyone any time soon, though sometimes I think they have their secret wishes. Anyways. It’s actually friends and parents of friends who are on my back. I can’t count the times I’ve heard, “You should get married because (insert random reason here)”, or, “See, if you got married and had kids, you could (insert something even more random here)”. I’ve even been told that it’s unfair of me to think of not getting married and having kids simply because the person who was talking to me wants to see what my offspring would be like.
Whoa, hold it. I’m the one being unfair because I want to live my own life? Iiiiiiiiiinteresting……….
Fact is, I’m sick and tired of people treating marriage and kids like it’s a career. To see that makes me a little sick. A woman should not just be so desperate to be married and birthing children that she just takes the first guy who sweeps her off her feet. That’s dangerous and I find it demeaning to the holy and beautiful thing that marriage is. Thanks, but no thanks. I want to live my life as me first and see what God has in store for me, not rush out there and grab the first guy I see and scream, “GIVE ME CHILDREN!” as I bash his head against the wall of a tunnel of love. (Unfortunately I’ve never actually seen someone do that, because it would be hilarious, but sometimes it seems like that’s what some girls WANT to do.) So people, please, focus your “must get married because” rants onto someone else, because I’ll just switch my brain focus and tune you out.
Anyways. All of that is a long roundabout way of saying that if I have my own place, I’m hoping that people will realize that I’m in life where I want to be, not desperately waiting for prince charming. If I have my own house and my own career and all in all my own life, maybe the hint will be gotten that I am fine as-is, please don’t try to change me by telling me about all the joys of children. I’ve lived my whole life around them. I know exactly how awesome they are. That doesn’t change matters a bit. Your argument is irrelevant.
Not to mention, the possibilities of where to actually live are endless…. =D